Suicide - Is it selfish or selfless?

Because of our incapability to inhabit the mental state of the suicidal, suicide eludes explanation, forever remaining an unfathomable and disturbing phenomenon. The act of killing oneself invokes feelings in those left behind like nothing else. Bafflement, dismissal, heroic glorification, sympathy, anger, condemnation are but a few of the vast array of emotions, but I would venture to say, guilt might be at the top of the list.

I just recently found out that an acquaintance committed suicide. He was working with us on recording a couple of our songs - beautiful, powerful voice - large personality - never occurred to me this was even a possibility. Then he called one evening and told us that his wife had left him for a woman – had taken their children – and was accusing him of child abuse.

He vehemently denied that he had ever abused his children and was quite perplexed as to why his, now estranged, wife would accuse him of such a thing. It did not seem to us in our dealings with him that he would be the kind to abuse anyone but without living with someone, you never really know. So, my husband, Greg did the only thing you can ever be sure is the right thing to do, he prayed with him and for him and for his wife and his children.

A couple of months later, he called back seeking advice. He had indeed been arrested and was out on bail but did not have enough money for a good lawyer and really didn’t know how to keep from losing his wife and his children. Greg made a couple of suggestions and, of course, prayed with him. If we could have, we most likely would have loaned him some money for a good lawyer but we just simply didn’t have anything to give. He also expressed his disappointment with many who he had considered friends that would have nothing to do with him anymore.

Periodically, over the next few months, we prayed for him often and just assumed we didn’t hear from him because he was busy trying to salvage his life. When we heard that he had committed suicide, we were stunned - then baffled - then the wondering began. Why didn’t we call and check on him; why didn’t we send him a card of encouragement; why didn’t we do a plethora of other actions that might have helped?

Frankly, his innocence or guilt should have had no bearing on our actions. We would have had different advice depending on the truth of the situation but at least we could have “been there”.

I have this mental picture of him feeling completely hopeless and abandoned by everyone. No one should be made to feel utterly alone. (I say this excluding the sex offenders and Charles Manson types) It should not be too difficult to ascertain that the most prevalent feeling I have about his suicide is guilt.

Whether I deem suicide as selfish or selfless one thing I know, the path of destruction that it leaves behind is a virtual Katrina – affecting everyone in its path – the severity depending on how close you were to the eye of the hurricane.

There are several people I know that are going through extreme difficulty right now. I know this, I'm going to call or write, email or visit; anything so that they don't feel like they are going through their storm alone.

Join me - won't you?